Do you ever felt like alien in your own family? Well I do and it feels like hell. You feel you’ve been judge by your surround. So every single step you made have to be calculate. And the calculation will make you nervous.
The only thing can survive me from that is my room or bathroom. Funny how you can feel safe in that small and cold room. Sudenly, I feel safe in soaked liquid room. Its wierd coz i never feel that before and than I start questioning, am I normal or…?
Yesterday there was family gathering in my house. All my father’s relative came and it is mean the talkative auts. Please pay attention for the plural verb I use in aut, its mean more than one. That will describe the burden I have to face.
Don’t need one or two hour to feel the burden. Just take five minutes, one of my talk a lot aut spit her ammunition. She ask, how come I spent the saturday night alone. She just try to tease me. I just smile and try to ignore. And with her high tone voice, she said “Hey lapet (is a traditional cake so is explicit to humiliate me) why don’t you answer me?.” I turn arround and give her a full of anger definition plus, “Shut up.You so wierd.”
They never respect me and they also thing their responsible for my life. Sometimes I just hate to realise that Indonesian has this close family bound. Coz most of the time the bound only exist to humiliate your independency. So they always treat you like 10 year old kid, with colorful ribbon on her head. Fuckin shit…i hate it so much.
I just need the cold of my bathroom. And try to figure out how to face this hesitate family bound.