I don’t know what exactly happen to me.I feel like drama queen.Always sad, bored with this new desk,feel empty,and feel lying in insecurity.
Ok lets talk about it one by one.Sadness. Since my aunt “approach” me to talk about my love one and how I can find the way out, so my parents (read : father) will give their bless, I’m so affraid to lose my ice cream maker. And when I’m watching 50 first date, I become more sad.
The movie talk about how a man fighting to make the one he love remember the beauty of love. At once I think it much easier than have to confience your family,merrid is not about how to make one religion more realiable.
But in the end, it not easy for Lucy too, the girl who has lost memory because of the accident she had. Everyday, she always face with the reality that everything moving forward except her memory system. She always have to fall in love to her husband. And the one which make me cry is, when she have to watch the video that summerize what happening in her life. She was there but she never remember she is there.
And about my new desk. This mining thing already make me exhausted. I have to deal with big oil, gas, or mining company and persuade them talk about there privilege. How they spent their money after exploring the fosil and let the village surround their operation field still poor. Its so exhausted to persuade them to talk about shit. I don’t know, this new magazine from my paper is to business minded. And I’m to naif to say that I’m not on their side.
When we talk about emptyness, I don’t know how to describe it precisely. Because emptyness is happen when you can’t make definition about anything right. So I define emptyness already. Well emptyness is about nothing but to enter this nothing you have to define something. Wierd.
All of this make me realise that (maybe) I am insecure. Life is about insecurity. And when the preist at the curch talk about God Forgiveness and Faith, I realize it’s start from insecurity. When man not know where to end their life, heaven or hell. They create something to push their insecurity of being after dead.
And when God feel alone, He or She or whatever you want to call The Almighty, God create heaven and hell. So everyone will aware about their insecurity and run to the scripture plus religion scholar to know the God’s security.
Maybe I just need to exploring the silence in solitude. Coz everything run so fast in my life after define how possible media can stand in their neutrality. I just miss those time. Listening journalist theory, experience and thought from other journalist. Drink diffrent alcohol. Dance untill 4 in the morning. Its a free world and I miss to be free and wild as butterfly.